By Shavonne Taisha
Dating is hard. ESPECIALLY when your prospective partner has kids. Their priorities are completely different. I’m considering which brunch to surrender my money too while you are concerned with finding a babysitter. We are not the same. And we don’t have to be.
In 2019, finding a committed, trustworthy, loyal, and attentive partner is already a a challenge. Throwing additional little people in can definitely add to the flames, however you are not alone — you don’t have to be. Not everyone is meant to meet your kids, and not everyone can understand the privilege of getting to know a Milf, or a Zaddy.
We conducted a survey of single moms and dads living all over the U.S. and these are the gems they dropped:
Collect & Access
Having background knowledge of your partners relationship with their child’s parent is essential. Be open to the time they have to spend with their family. Observe their family dynamic. Know that you will not be prioritized in the same fashion the kids are, you will fall under family life and career. You have to be accepting of the dynamic.
Your dating life is going to be unorthodox.
Scheduling can be hectic , everything needs to be planned and even then life may have another mission. In case of emergency your partner will either have to cancel or the kids will be with you both. Are you willing or accepting of children being in your intimate spaces? Can you adapt to changes when things don’t go as planned?
THEY’RE A PACKAGED DEAL
You have to access the role you’ll eventually play in the child’s life. You will never be more important to that child than his/her parents. How will you add to their environment? Are you willing to develop a communicative relationship with their ex? Is that your “place?”
Observe his or her parenting style.
If you can envision your life together, watching how someone treats their child can be an indication of how they might treat you and your future offspring. If the parent you are dating is verbally abusive towards their child and impatient, I doubt they will show you the compassion you seek.
There is thin line between love and “you tried me.” Find out whether or not you can correct their child. Although I see nothing wrong with a quick glare when a child is misbehaving, you probably don’t want to get caught scolding someone else’s child. COMMUNICATE WHAT’S OFF LIMITS. Ask questions,
“Is it okay to offer advice on what I believe you can do differently?”
“How can I help you?”
Nothing is worse than a childless, know-it-all.