A warped view of condoms left my womb extremely vulnerable. My need for intimacy from my partner transformed condoms in my perception to a barrier of love as opposed to a barrier of protection. I did not think twice about asking him to put on the lubricated latex which would have, in my eyes, made his love scarce. Blindly and lawlessly, I continued having periodic unsafe sex with him until the universe interfered with a scary checkpoint.
Chlamydia. It was confirmed. My doctors and I approximated about 3 to 4 months ago that I had contracted it. It was never a thought that it can happen to me especially only having one partner whom I saw rarely and trusted wholeheartedly. It was always in my ignorance that ruled out STDs as an issue for people with multiple partners. I was administered the antibiotics almost immediately but I knew that was only the beginning of “treatments” I would need for this period of my life. Feelings of shame, uncleanliness, betrayal, sadness, anger and fear plagued my mind and soul. No amount of showers were enough and my friends’ counsel was never louder than the inner voice in my head that labeled me a plague. I talked to my gynecologist asking her as many questions as I could about what this meant for my future health. The possibility of children in my life seemed more out of my control not knowing the complete damage of having this disease. For a moment, I let this STD define me and all my worth equated to essentially nothing.
It took me quite a while to realize that my value could not depreciate because of one unfortunate mistake. I had to make time to go through these emotions, forgive myself and my partner (at the time) and also reconnect with my womb. The mental damage had to be worse than the physical. It took some time trying to fight my insecurities and showering myself with positivity and love even when I felt like it was not deserved. Talking with my doctor as well as doing tons of research finally convinced me that this not the end and I should be even more grateful that it was not one of the more serious STDs.
This tough experience taught me lessons of extreme value. There are many chances that we take with ourselves not realizing the true extent of harm that can occur. Sexually transmitted diseases are real and can spread effortlessly to people who have sex unprotected. Anal, oral and vaginal intercourse all qualify as sexual activities. It is important to protect yourself physically and mentally from STDs. Asking your partner to use condoms can be just as sexy as satisfying as hearing you have negative test results for all sexually transmitted diseases. There is less harm done in being mindful during intimate times. You have to be open and honest with yourself. Know what it means to be assertive with protecting your womb and its power. Deal with your trauma and take preventative measures to protect your sexual health. Be open, be honest, be bold, be fearless!
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