By Noni G.
First attempt at actively dating and already 2 months in, I’m completely lost and as ever confused. Getting to know someone new can be challenging when you are just starting to put yourself first . Once you gage someone’s mindset,energy and intention you begin to analyze your approach to a budding relationship. But hell at what cost!
After asking this young man (for the second time) what his intentions were with me and him (for a second time) giving me a differentiation of the same answer that could possibly hint at a potential situation-ship, I began to realize I had an even bigger problem on my hands. “I date different girls for the experience” he says in a justifying attitude. Now at first, I was understanding given his mention to me in past conversations of his detrimental heartbreak and admittance of him being broken. I thought well that makes sense . Outside opinions discussing dating also did some work in complimenting my acceptance of this explanation.
However it didn’t take long for me to realize that I was on the verge of making excuses for this man in order to settle for a secondary position in his life. My inner goddess snatched me from my lower self and made me realize just who the hell I am and what I have to offer. In what way, shape or form should I ever think it is okay for a man to minimize me to an “experience” . Sweetheart, I am way to woman to just be an experience. I have extremely too much to offer for you to reduce me as a mere chapter in your book .
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not afraid to admit my faults and flaws. But I am also not afraid to say that I am an ever changing work in progress when it comes to my growth and my legacy. The evolution will not stop and that alone makes me bigger than any one’s man experience. I come bearing lessons from lips and excitement with my hips . Dr. Angelou could tell you herself !
Queens when it comes to dating make sure you never settle or compromise any part of yourself to compliment the likelihood of any potential partner. There will be many bystanders that will just never see the worth of a diamond mine. That doesn’t mean you are to shine or settle any less.
There are times that we become vulnerable and crave companionship. So whomever we cross paths with we allow to shift our perspective and compromise ourselves to fit their needs and wants . Don’t forget to ask yourself, Do the ends really justify the means? What will you have to lose if you start putting yourself first? Is the person that you are dating worth it or reciprocating the same time and energy?
We have to change the way we view dating and relationships. Many of us suffer from unhealthy attachments to temporary people. We have disposable attitudes with those who are actually worth it. Love is often mistaken for infatuation and hurt people are consciously (or subconsciously) hurting people.
Be sure you have found closure with the experiences you have had in your life. Whether it’s small or large, issues within yourself and past relationships can carry on into the next if not dealt with. Trust the timing of your life and your intuition to decide whether or not you want to build with someone.
Timing is important for two people to connect. You need to establish an understanding on whether or not your time and energy will be an investment or waste. And always, always, always put yourself first. Self -Love is priority and should remain that way throughout your life. Keep in mind when dating you should also preserve your emotional and physical boundaries so there would be no dependence or miscommunication between partners. And last but not least have fun ! It’s not the end of the world if things are not meant to be. Trust your dating process and have faith in what you know you deserve.