"Be the bigger person," is a phrase that is often followed with an eye roll and Kanye shrug. It is often women who are told to be the bigger person despite all efforts to make us seem irrational, over emotional, and sensitive.
Being the bigger person is a tiresome effort to silence abuse, and emotional neglect. We are often taught that being the bigger person involves saying less, moving in silence, and projecting all of our emotions into success. But we fail to realize that it is our duty to hold people in our lives accountable for the damage they do. It "IS NOT OKAY!"
You DO NOT OWE ANY ONE YOUR BIGGER PERSON. Forgiveness is for you; not them. You can forgive someone and still hold them responsible. We have an issue in our community with living in secrecy. Someone hurts you and you're expected to adjust and adapt to their ways. We cannot make excuses for others behaviors. No one is allowed to enter your life and destroy it without consequence, without being brought to awareness. There is no reason to "let it rock," nor should you be reliant on karma at all times. We cannot tip-toe around issues and ignore the elephants in the room.
When discussing this topic with my dear friend, Soul Servant she said, "We must able to tell each other the truth and if that person's truth doesn't settle with you, then you must remove yourself and allow that person their space. We often get upset about people's reality and perception of us."
There's a major difference between addressing an issue and being confrontational. Once you have obtained transparent dialogue and communication you will be able to speak freely and honestly. Being the bigger person is an energy sacrifice that not everyone deserves.
This is not something that can happen overnight. It involves identifying your triggers, acknowledging your expectations of others, listing what you require from the various relationships in your life, all while trusting your intuition.
Written by: Shavonne Taisha