Are You Emotionally Unavailable? By Devante Tate

Are You Emotionally Unavailable? By Devante Tate

There’s been so many things being brought up about black men and the way they tend to treat black women. We have so many issues with one another as black men and black women but when it comes down to talking about things it tends to lead to more and more confusion. In our communities we do not create that space for black males to effectively express themselves, whether it’s in a relationship or just in general.

People may argue the things that are being said here but I want the person reading this to really hear me out. For the average black male growing up in the “inner city” there is this image they have to uphold. They must be providers, they must go to school, go to college, have great income by a certain age, etc. In reality we do not even teach our young black boys to be providers, we do not properly educate them and we do not show them and mentor them down successful paths in life but we expect them to just do so. We are teaching them to be one way then expecting them to act the complete opposite.

I am NOT undermining the struggles black women face but I really want to highlight those of a black male because I am a black male and have fallen prey to the issues that I speak about here. If a young black boy appears to be “emotional” we label them as being “soft, a little girl, light-skinned” and so many other wrongful terms.

In past relationships from my experience I have experienced it as well. Having to be the one that’s always there without being matched emotional support. Having someone to really sit back and listen to me and really take into account my feelings without being told that I need to “man up” or if I can’t deal with something then maybe I should leave. This lack of emotional support also plays a big part in cheating in our black communities. This is nothing proven but just my mere theory that is currently in the works of researching. I’ve realized that once most black boys reach a certain age and if they have no women then they are constantly teased and the boy with the most girls are usually praised.

This type of behavior and condition goes on throughout their early childhood years, adolescent years and also parts of adulthood depending on the crowd they are attached to. We dawn this type of behavior onto our young boys then expect them to automatically become faithful when it’s time to “settle down”. When it’s time to “settle down” lots of black men have the slightest clue as to how to treat a women and how to conduct themselves but our young girls grow up with that caring heart and openness to love. That’s the disconnect.

We grow up the complete opposite from each other which may be the reason why a lot of our relationships tend to fail. So are you being emotionally available to black men? Is that space for them to express themselves being made without criticism? Do they know that they are loved and cared for?